Published on October 5th, 2013 | by Tanuki1
Ninja Fail :: Man Makes Ramen, Receives 20 Shots To Groin!
Just like everybody else, a Ninja must have some downtime: a moment to relax and fill that gap with whatever leisure activity he wishes. However, unlike us common folk, the Ninja cannot afford to let his guard down, not even for a split second. Today, I bring you the true *story of one such shadow warrior who met a ridiculous fate for allowing his sharp senses to dull.
Ye-san, (32) of New Taipai, Taiwan, was spending his day off enthralled in a tense gaming session of GTA5. He was loving every minute of all that unadulterated debauchery: things like hijacking helicopters, nuking buildings, high-speed chases with the pigs, perving out at the nudie bar, tripping on psychotropic drugs. You know, just some of the fun stuff! Dicking around in a fictitious world without the risk of real-life consequences (or so it seemed) really had Ye-san hooked.
Spent from all the fast-paced action, Ye-san decided to loosen up the atmosphere by slipping into a pair of Speedos. Noting the echo of grumbles resonating from his belly, he scolded himself for neglecting to eat breakfast and thus went to the kitchen to whip up some ramen. Now close to 10:00 a.m., time had been flying by for Ye-san; he couldn’t wait to accomplish the GTA5 mission he’d kept failing. Ye-san returned to his gaming room with a portable stove with which to cook his ramen. Plopping down in front of the his 50″ Sony LED, he delved back into the limitless world of San Andreas for more lap dances. (Are things starting to get a little weird yet?)
As misfortune would have it, Ye-san unknowingly placed his portable mini-stove next to one of his Ninja escape kits: a bag containing flash powder and an assortment of firecrackers, including bottle-rockets! The growing heat from the stove caused the rockets to ignite and take off flying directly into Ye-san’s crotch. As if the rockets had a mind of their own, punishing Ye-san for being so careless a Ninja, all twenty of them nailed his groin like arrows hitting a bullseye. Writhing in pain in his now smoke-blanketed room, various *booms* and *bangs* continued to go off for the next several seconds as he curled into the fetal position groaning, “Owwwwwwwwwwwww!”
Neighbors, overhearing the raucous commotion, dialed the fire department and, before long, emergency responders found Ye-san in very same place he’d been: on the floor, half-naked, tangled in XBOX cords and partially-cooked ramen, cradling his injured willy through his Speedo. Suffice it to say, Ye-san was a very sad Ninja. Lucky for him, he wasn’t severely injured.
Later that day he returned home from the hospital in time to renew his CKE18 subscription *wink*! He spent the final hours of his “private time” relaxing with Minori-chan, allowing her mending abilities to revitalize his chi. As a shadow warrior, though his days are usually filled with a different type of excitement, Ye-san was content with putting off the Speedo/GTA5/ramen challenge to another time.
*Inspired by a story covered at RocketNews24